I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
