I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
