I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize