I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
