Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize