he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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