He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
