It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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