So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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