I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
