I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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