really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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