mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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