Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
