Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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