You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
