alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
