Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
