I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
