Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
