Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
