you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
