Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
