Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
