Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
