I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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