so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
