I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why do cheetos always look like penises
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
