Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
