Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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