Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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