U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
