I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
