we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
