Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
