My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
