so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
