Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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