i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
