No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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