Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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