you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
