dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
