Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize