I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i now understand why vodka
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
