Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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