I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
