she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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