I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
