I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
