Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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