thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
