i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
