She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
