Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How external is "for external use only"?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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