we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
