:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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