Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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