IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
