I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
