I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
