your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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