But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
