I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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