So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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