I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
